“Mr Lear, I have recently started seeing a lady a fair bit older than me. She is a single mother and we have slept with each other a fair few times but I just can’t seem to make her need me. I have this weird infatuation with her…Why? How? Help?”

(This is genuinely a first. I have never been asked a question where maternal knowledge is a must-have in order to give a good response. Anyway I will try and help as much as I can.)

I’m guessing this mother is simply looking for some good fun without having any of the strings normally associated with someone who is a parent? The advantage of your situation is that she will in no way think you are interested in getting involved with someone who has “baggage.” The quotation marks unfortunately are used in order to highlight the fact that most single mums with young children will think that potential partners will only see the children as “baggage.”

Look, here’s the thing. I bet you have met the kid, I bet if it’s young enough you’ve held it and even changed its nappy or whatever. You do these things because subconsciously you associate the mother with needing a paternal like partner; hence you seek to fulfil this need you think she yearns for.

Ok. Try to knock this natural “I’m going to try to look like I’m really responsible and caring,” side on the head. She doesn’t want it. She has become independent and assuming the Dad is not in the picture she probably has quite a high level of Intolerance for men.

Very much appears that you’ve established the fact you are willing to play that part here chap, so ideally you need to relax totally away from that.  Don’t try to make it look like you’re “there” for them, she doesn’t want it and she probably doesn’t need it. Your availability is unattractive, she’s still a lady after all and by their nature they hate men who fall over themselves to try and get their approval…

Even if you really want to become a trio… then you need to make it look like you are needed. It sounds like you’ve spent enough time with the two. Pull away from it and make yourself unavailable, maybe she will thank you for the space or maybe you will in fact suddenly be craved.

Generally it’s a mum or a “milf” and in that is actually somehow appealing to a young man such as you. There is no need to make the relationship any different than a normal girl. She has the same needs as anyone else. Dates etc…Meh…She’s done all that and just wants some fun. If you’re clingy, you will fail miserably.

Attraction  is based around a pulley system…you are in no position right now to be in love so it’s the flirty bit you need to be good at. Speak to her often then not at all…just appear like you aren’t the guy who will catch her when she falls then eventually she will want you to be.

Also. No one lives in epic romance. Stop watching American Pie and idealising a situation that you can think can impress your friends with?

Brilliant question though Mr “Anonymous.”

Yours

Mr Lear.